Classic anti-Semitism in Cab 3V27

On my way home from staffing a meeting for work, for an organization that fights anti-Semitism, hatred and bigotry of all kinds, I encountered cab 3V27. A little after 8 PM, I daydreamed out the cab window up Third Avenue, tired after a long day that had me up earlier than usual to vote in the Presidential Primary. It was taking longer than usual. I remarked to the cabbie,

"There's a lot of traffic tonight. I wonder why that is."

He replied, "It's Super Tuesday! A lot of excitement.

"As we went over the 59th Street Bridge, the cab driver told me he and his wife voted this morning for Hillary Clinton. I told him I voted for Barack Obama. To that, the cabbie replied that it was already decided.

Apparently, tonight Hillary Clinton would win the nomination and Barack would be her Vice President. According to an "elected official friend" of his, the Presidential race was, too, already decided. From the "supreme" powers of the FBI, CIA and others, John McCain would surely be the next President of the United States. It was already decided. As we looped around the exit of the 59th Street Bridge and made a right onto 21st Street in Long Island City, the cabbie explained to me why Hillary would win the nomination. You see, Barack would, as president, get involved in Pakistan and other areas. Hillary would get involved in the "Middle East."

I asked why Hillary would get involved in the Middle East.

According to the cabbie, Hillary would be like her husband's Presidency, who had good relations with leaders in the Middle East. I knew at this moment that there was something that the cab driver wanted to say, but needed a light tug.

I asked, "Like with Israel?"

He responded that Hillary would win because the Jews control "the monetary." His english was not good. His grammar was terrible. He kept saying that the Jews control "the monetary." I had tugged, alright...

A small pit formed in my stomach and I grew nervous. We were driving north on 21st Street in Long Island City. I knew this conversation could get interesting. I kept my cool.

I chuckled slightly and said, "but, how could a group of people so small in number control the world?"

"No, no. Not the world. They control the monetary."

"You really think that?"

"You see, God put them here to do that. Even in the Quran it states that. In Egypt, the Pharaohs found Moses."

By this part, I was starting to freak out a little bit. I had flashes of anti-Semitic verbiage flashing in my head. I was contemplating what to do. Should I get out of the cab? Should I listen? Where is this going?

I listened. In my confusion, I got part of the story.

To paraphrase, the Pharaohs had Moses. Moses was not one of them. God sent the angel Gabriel down with a diamond. Apparently this was a hot diamond that could burn. They wanted to test Moses. Gabriel was about to put Moses' hand on the diamond, but at the last moment, God stopped Gabriel. God stopped Gabriel because he sent Moses down to be the one to start the Jews, who would set forth the people who controlled "the monetary."

At this point, I had shakedly steered him towards my street. He was parked in front of Trade Fair, where comforted by the supermarket across from my apartment, I felt I could open my mouth and say something and stop asking questions.

"First of all, the Jews don't control the money or the world. That's ridiculous. The Jews weren't sent here by God to do that. You're twisting it. The Bible says the Jews are the chosen people and were sent here to be a light unto the nations. To be a moral voice."

To this, the cabbie inserted, "My boss is Jewish. Gindi. He owns Century 21. He even says the Jews control the monetary."

"Well, I'M JEWISH."

"I know..."

"What, you know? I'm Jewish and we don't control the world." (As if my I-told-you-so assertion would sway him.)

He apologized. I'm not sure if it was for our conversation or because I gave him a terrible tip.

That was essentially the end of our conversation. I paid, forgot to get a receipt and left the cab shaking.

This man was crazy. He was all about the conspiracy theory. But I can't just walk away from my $14.20 cab ride home from the offices of the Anti-Defamation League, where I work, thinking that this was an isolated incident. Millions, if not billions, of people around the world believe as a matter of fact that Jews control money, the media and the world. And some of them even live in the same city as me and drive me home from a long day of "fighting anti-Semitism."

In Honor of the Burberry Hat that Never Was (Mine)

I was once at the Short Hills mall and in Bloomingdale's and lusted over one particular Burberry hat (You know how I am about my winter accessories). While Burberry apparel is in no way ordinary, this particular hat superseded the extra-ordinariness of even Burberry. It deviated from the standard print. The exactness of this deviation I could not share, because I chickened out over the seemingly, at the time, high price of this perfect little winter hat. I can tell you it had a lime green stripe in place of another color. I love my greens, if only in color.

I spent countless hours, weeks and months later on ebay looking for that perfect hat. My mother spent countless hours, too, looking for this hat on ebay and other outlets. Never to be found again, I still regret not buying that hat. It was above my regular purchasing range, but in retrospect, it wasn't outrageous. This, most likely, was a Burberry hat made for Bloomingdale's exclusively.

So, why is this relevant?

This past Monday I was in Macy's in Herald Square. I absolutely hate the 34th Street area, but found myself there for a "free" clinque makeover (are they ever really free?). As I made my way over to the clinique counter, a certain Ralph Lauren display caught my eye. Deep green. Plum purple stripe. Houndstooth. OMG, I love you, bag. I think I even said, "I want to take you home with me." There was a smaller version and a larger version. Smaller $75, larger $88. Not completely outrageous, actually OK. I wouldn't normally spend that much, but when you fall in love at first sight with an inanimate object and it's not terribly expensive, dive in, right? Well, let's just say we're waiting until the direct deposit drops, the automatic payment of the cc clears and then we're buying non-necessities again. ETA: September 6. Thursday. Now, aforementioned Monday was August 27. This is a long time to wait. To clarify, I am again lusting over designer apparel, this time a deep olive green houndstooth tote bag with plum stripe.

You're still asking, why is this relevant?

This past Sunday, I somehow found myself again at aforementioned Macy's. I can't account for how I got there, but when I arrived at the Ralph Lauren display where I first met the bag on Monday, it was gone! My heart began to race. I looked frantically from left to right and it was gone! I suddenly thought back to the burberry hat and my heart sank. I took a deep breath and politely made my way to the closest register only to ask the nearest sales girl: Do you still have the green and purple Ralph Lauren bags? Over there!!! She pointed to somewhere else. I had no idea where she pointed but breathed a heavy sigh of relief in that they still existed.

I walked over there, which really was aimless until I found another Ralph Lauren display and there they were. In all their glory, they were beautifully displayed alongside a similar khaki-colored bag. Small and large. Same price, but hardly as lovely. I mulled over the bag. Buy now? Wait? September 6 I kept reminding myself. I really shouldn't, but what if they're gone by then? I mulled further and finally asked the closest saleswoman, Are these bags going fast? She told me she herself had sold three since they had moved to this part of the store. That didn't seem like a large number to me, but who even knows.

I went to other parts of the store, tried other things on, and bought nothing. I didn't walk past the bag again. Fortunately I have no time between now and September 6 to make an appearance again at Macy's. Hopefully a positive outcome will result, if only to uphold honor for the Burberry hat that never was mine.

The Land of Lost Socks

It was 9:36 on a Monday when Super Sock Man-Super I call him- called. He said that he had been getting complaints about socks suddenly turning up missing. It's a mystery in the making. One problem- the land of lost socks (where the socks go) is, from what super said, above the clouds. It shouldn't be a long trip in the flying laundry basket. The toeprint machine is small and hopefully won't take up much room. In two days we take off.

I'm all packed and ready to go! Oh great Super is here! He just flew over in his flying laundry basket with the toe print machine in the back. We just took off. We're up above the clouds. Everything is just how we planned. But, wait! What's that?

"Oh, the land of lost socks," Super told me.

"You mean it's really shaped like a giant sock?" I asked.

"Sure is," Super answered.

I couldn't believe what my eyes were revealing. Super has been here once before, so it wasn't as big for him as it was for me. As we landed on the Land of Lost Socks I became amazed at a whole place made up on only socks.

"What holds this together?" I asked Super.

"I'm not sure," he said. "But by the end of the trip I could know for sure."

"Is there any life?" I questioned.

"On the West Side my friend Shoeley who came years ago with me insisted he saw life, but I'm not sure of that either," Super explained.

As we walked along I saw socks galore: green, blue, red, white, black, gray, pink, orange, yellow, big, small. They've got it all.

We took out the Toe Print Machine and picked a gray sock. It read: "Owner-Crystal Klein."

Wow! That's my cousin. I can't believe I found her sock! The journey went on that we found more socks with owners. When we made it to the West Side Super said that he saw one being that is shaped like a sock. I didn't believe him until I saw it for myself. Believe him. It was shaped like a giant sock. Super and I decided to give up on the toe prints for a few hours and go look for that being. We saw it again and started chasing after it. We stopped it. It started to say something. It said hi. I looked at it funny and said, "Hello, my name is Liz and this is Super."

"My name's Joe," he said. Joe unzipped his very well hidden zipper. He was a normal man: jeans, t-shirts, light brown hair, green eyes, and glasses. I couldn't believe what my eyes revealed.

Joe brought us to his station. He sat us down. He told us everything from A to Z. Joe didn't leave out a syllable. To make it short, here it is:

He discovered a place in the sky where you can live. Through every house socks were left around. He stole them. Years went by and he's been collecting and collecting.

Joe told us he was sick of it. We decided to bring home all the socks and return them to their owners. We would say that we didn't know who took all the socks. The next morning I glanced out the window and the media was everywhere.

It turned out that Super and I were declared national heroes.

(I wrote this in 7th grade!)